December 2, 2008
Hi Everyone,
I’ll make this one short and sweet. Yesterday afternoon I had my first dose of Zometa and radiation therapy. We met with Dr. Bowers to make sure nothing was going to change from the original treatment path that was laid out for us last week. The last thing I wanted to hear was “And after radiation, we’re going to start you on chemo”. It may be an option down the line but right now it is not. Thank God.
So my treatment path will be this; Three weeks of radiation every day, followed up with Zometa once every three weeks until Dr. Bowers says otherwise. She said that there have been some people on this drug for years. I’m OK with that, I like strong bones. I do not have to get a port again to receive Zometa and it does not destroy veins like chemo does. The worst side effects can be slight nausea, flu like symptoms and achy bones. I actually did have a little nausea when we got home and woke up with aches this morning. Sleep and Advil took care of those.
Radiation was probably the easiest thing I did all day yesterday. I did have to get some new marks before we started though. Dr. Schwartz, the radiation oncologist, after further review of CT scans and X-Rays decided instead of just treating me from the back to treat me from both the front and the back. They need to mark you with small tattoos so they can line up the radiation beam the same every day. So they gave me three marks last week and then yesterday I got another five. They are very small and look like little black moles. No big deal and yes they are permanent.
After that I went into the radiation room and laid on the table, they lined me up and zapped me twice. It didn’t feel like anything was happening, I just laid there and was done within five minutes. It was all very X-Ray like. Not that I’m complaining but after the last treatment path I was expecting something a little more invasive this time around.
Apparently the radiation will keep working for another eight weeks after treatment is complete. That’s pretty cool. I will also start a different hormone drug. In addition to radiation and Zometa, bone responds very well to hormone therapy drugs. Dr. Bowers took me off of the Tamoxifen last week, one, because it’s obviously not working for me and two, it’s causing me some issues with my uterine walls which could eventually turn cancerous. The news just keeps getting better doesn’t it?
So that’s really about it. I will be done with radiation before Christmas and I’ll keep getting the Zometa for an indeterminate time. Hormone therapy will probably start after the New Year. I will keep you all posted and will update my blog as things progress. Again, thank you all for your words of encouragement and prayers, they are both very helpful and much appreciated. God bless!
Love to you all!
Jen
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Here We Go Again
December 1, 2008
(Steph, Jen and Nicky at 2008 3-Day, 60 Mile walk - Thanks Girls!)
Hi Everyone,
As most of you know, I have recently been re-diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. It has reappeared in my spine this time. If you remember from previous blogs breast cancer can come back in the lung, liver or spine. Back in October I went in for my 3 month check up with the oncologist which consisted of the CA 27.29 blood test, a chest x-ray and bone scan. The chest x-ray and bone scan are an annual test with blood draws every three months. When we got the test results back the chest x-ray and bone scan came back clear but the blood test numbers were elevated above normal parameters.
Now I’ve always tested a little high so it wasn’t a huge concern since I’d been high before, but Dr. Bowers wanted to test me again in 6 weeks instead of waiting another 3 months. When I got those test results back the CA 27.29 numbers were even higher than they were 6 weeks previous. Typically they consider numbers between 0 and 35 normal. I usually hover around the 40’s. My first numbers came back at 53 and my second results came back a 79. Not good.
So based on those numbers they recommended a PET / CT scan the following day. I was not allowed to eat anything for 12 hours previous to the procedure and when I got there I went back to the little “relaxation” room. There really isn’t much relaxation going on in here. Here they injected me with radioactive glucose. Gross. The reason for this is that the cancer cells are attracted to the glucose and will show up on the scan because of it.
They also had me drink some barium drink that was equally gross. It was this huge bottle of what tasted like cold, berry flavored Elmer’s glue. I don’t recall why I had to drink this crap but apparently it was necessary. They also left the IV in my arm so during the procedure they could administer “contrast”. You may remember me telling you about “contrast” from my earlier blogs and MRI. When they add the “contrast” it gives you a warm feeling all through your body and you feel like you are going to pass out.
The PET and CT scan lasted about an hour total and I was lucky to have music pumped into the room. This just in, if you are in a PET / CT scanner and “Radar Love” comes on the radio, you can’t tap your feet or sing, it’s very hard to sit still when that song comes on the radio. Try it the next time it comes on the radio, it’s near impossible. Minus all the gross stuff they injected me with or made me drink, in the grand scheme of things this test isn’t so bad.
Later that afternoon it was confirmed that they found two lesions on my L3 and L5 lumbar spine. So we sat with this knowledge over the weekend and as you can imagine did a lot of crying and drinking. We really didn’t know any more than that until Nan called on Monday morning. She is one of the nurses at the oncologist office. She gave us a little more info and had us scheduled for an MRI later that day. Great, more tests.
So the MRI was no big deal either, it’s just loud in there. The reason for the MRI was more or less to eliminate other things that could be on my spine, like arthritis. It wouldn’t necessarily confirm cancer but eliminates a lot of other things. That test result came back as “probable” for cancer. When you get that news and then go on line and start looking up bone cancer, it’s not good. So don’t do it. I was seeing things like a life expectancy of a year, it can’t be cured, and the bones will start collapsing on them selves and causes a bunch of pain, paralysis and incontinence. Terrific. So we were really freaked out and Dr. Bowers met with us and essentially talked me off the ledge. Bless her heart. She said that she plans on treating me for a very long time and that medicine has really changed recently. Before we could start any treatment we still had to do one more test, a CT guided bone biopsy. Are you kidding me with this? I know what a biopsy is and the thought of having someone take some of my bone was just unbelievable to me.
After my meeting with Dr. Bowers we went downstairs to Radiology and had another CT scan. I’m now getting very sick of scans. And I’m thinking to myself, all these scans are going to give me more cancer, cut it out. The purpose of this CT scan was for the physician to determine if a CT guided biopsy was better than one guided with I believe a camera. It was determined to be CT guided and I had to be there the next morning for the biopsy.
Since this is considered surgery, I was not allowed food 4 hours before the procedure. When I got back to the Care Units where they prep you with IV’s, take blood, ask you a billion questions and talk you through the procedure I started to become very angry. I didn’t want this damn test, I wasn’t going to like having a surgeon cut through my back and bone to get a sample, I didn’t want any more drugs, it was just all pissing me off. We waited in the Care Unit for about and hour and a half for a couple of reasons. One, they were running a blood clotting test before they did the biopsy and two, the Dr. was doing several procedures before me. As far as I was concerned he could have left me in that room all day long.
When they were finally ready for me they gave me the option to walk down there myself or be wheeled on the gurney. I chose the gurney because if it were up to me I don’t think anyone would have gotten me in that room willingly. Much to my disappointment they do NOT knock you out for this procedure. Anyone with a weak stomach or those of you who do now want to know how this procedure is run should probably skip ahead a few paragraphs.
So because I haven’t had enough CT scans, I had to lay face down and have several more before the procedure. Now, there are two sets of bones protecting the spinal cord. The lesions on my spine are on the side of the bone in front of the spinal cord. To get to it, the Dr. had to go through the bone in back to get to the side of the lesion. I’ll let that one sink in a minute.
So they did a local on my back where they were going through to the bone. They also gave me two other drugs, one for pain, I told the nurse she could be very generous with that one, and another drug to relax me. It’s essentially a drug that puts you into “conscience amnesia”. They want you to be semi alert so the Dr. can talk to you and you can take direction, like holding your breath during a scan. Fortunately for me these drugs work pretty well. The worst part was getting the long needle in the back to numb the area.
The actual biopsy was not as bad as I thought it was going to be but it was still on the good side of horrible. Once the Dr. was through the skin and muscle to get through the bone he used something to “tap” it through the bone. That part I did not like in the least. Because you can feel and hear the tapping, and even though bone does not have feeling you can still feel the vibration through your whole body. Again, gross.
I told the Dr. he’d better get a really good sample because I was not going to come back a second time for this. He got a great sample. After the procedure I went back to the Care Unit and JR helped me eat a little sandwich, pasta salad and some juice. I wonder how much the insurance company got charged for that meal.
After that we went home and I rested. The day after the pain in my back was worse than after the procedure. I felt like I had a really bad backache. The test results took 3 days to process so again we waited over the weekend wondering. In my heart I knew that it was going to come back cancer, you just do not go through all of those tests and have it not be cancer. Although we were really praying for arthritis.
Of course it came back cancer and a treatment path was laid out for me. We met with the Radiation Oncologist that afternoon and got the lowdown on how it was all going to happen. He decided that since I had not had radiation before and I am young and healthy that he could shorten the time and increase the daily dosage. So I will have 3 weeks of radiation therapy every day after work. The time spent at the office should not exceed 30 minutes, apparently positioning me on the table takes the longest time.
Unlike chemo I should not have many side effects. The two we talked about were skin irritation and possible diarrhea, because the lesions are on the lower bones. I can handle skin irradiation and diarrhea. Everyone seems to be a little surprised that I don’t have any back pain, out side of what I consider normal back pain for me. He said that 4 years ago their goal would have been to make me comfortable and to give me time to get my affairs in order. Now with new technology and medicine people live for many years.
In addition to the radiation I will start a drug called Zometa. It’s a bone strengthener that keeps the cancer from eating through the bone until it collapses. It also creates an undesirable location for cancer cells. It’s pretty new to the market and the results of how successful it is in fighting cancer just came out this past June. It is taken via IV and takes about 20 minutes to administer. I should not have any side effects from it either.
I know it goes without saying but I’m going to anyway, JR has been just amazing and has been by my side for every Dr. appointment and procedure. I am so lucky to have him by my side fighting all the way. I love you Anderson.
So that’s it for now, sorry for the lengthy update but we’ve had quite a bit happen in a short amount of time. I will start the Zometa and radiation therapy this afternoon. I’ll update you all as things happen.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to JR and me with your words of encouragement and prayers. We appreciate them very much and are so very lucky to have you in our lives. Love to you all and God Bless!
Jen
(Steph, Jen and Nicky at 2008 3-Day, 60 Mile walk - Thanks Girls!)
Hi Everyone,
As most of you know, I have recently been re-diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. It has reappeared in my spine this time. If you remember from previous blogs breast cancer can come back in the lung, liver or spine. Back in October I went in for my 3 month check up with the oncologist which consisted of the CA 27.29 blood test, a chest x-ray and bone scan. The chest x-ray and bone scan are an annual test with blood draws every three months. When we got the test results back the chest x-ray and bone scan came back clear but the blood test numbers were elevated above normal parameters.
Now I’ve always tested a little high so it wasn’t a huge concern since I’d been high before, but Dr. Bowers wanted to test me again in 6 weeks instead of waiting another 3 months. When I got those test results back the CA 27.29 numbers were even higher than they were 6 weeks previous. Typically they consider numbers between 0 and 35 normal. I usually hover around the 40’s. My first numbers came back at 53 and my second results came back a 79. Not good.
So based on those numbers they recommended a PET / CT scan the following day. I was not allowed to eat anything for 12 hours previous to the procedure and when I got there I went back to the little “relaxation” room. There really isn’t much relaxation going on in here. Here they injected me with radioactive glucose. Gross. The reason for this is that the cancer cells are attracted to the glucose and will show up on the scan because of it.
They also had me drink some barium drink that was equally gross. It was this huge bottle of what tasted like cold, berry flavored Elmer’s glue. I don’t recall why I had to drink this crap but apparently it was necessary. They also left the IV in my arm so during the procedure they could administer “contrast”. You may remember me telling you about “contrast” from my earlier blogs and MRI. When they add the “contrast” it gives you a warm feeling all through your body and you feel like you are going to pass out.
The PET and CT scan lasted about an hour total and I was lucky to have music pumped into the room. This just in, if you are in a PET / CT scanner and “Radar Love” comes on the radio, you can’t tap your feet or sing, it’s very hard to sit still when that song comes on the radio. Try it the next time it comes on the radio, it’s near impossible. Minus all the gross stuff they injected me with or made me drink, in the grand scheme of things this test isn’t so bad.
Later that afternoon it was confirmed that they found two lesions on my L3 and L5 lumbar spine. So we sat with this knowledge over the weekend and as you can imagine did a lot of crying and drinking. We really didn’t know any more than that until Nan called on Monday morning. She is one of the nurses at the oncologist office. She gave us a little more info and had us scheduled for an MRI later that day. Great, more tests.
So the MRI was no big deal either, it’s just loud in there. The reason for the MRI was more or less to eliminate other things that could be on my spine, like arthritis. It wouldn’t necessarily confirm cancer but eliminates a lot of other things. That test result came back as “probable” for cancer. When you get that news and then go on line and start looking up bone cancer, it’s not good. So don’t do it. I was seeing things like a life expectancy of a year, it can’t be cured, and the bones will start collapsing on them selves and causes a bunch of pain, paralysis and incontinence. Terrific. So we were really freaked out and Dr. Bowers met with us and essentially talked me off the ledge. Bless her heart. She said that she plans on treating me for a very long time and that medicine has really changed recently. Before we could start any treatment we still had to do one more test, a CT guided bone biopsy. Are you kidding me with this? I know what a biopsy is and the thought of having someone take some of my bone was just unbelievable to me.
After my meeting with Dr. Bowers we went downstairs to Radiology and had another CT scan. I’m now getting very sick of scans. And I’m thinking to myself, all these scans are going to give me more cancer, cut it out. The purpose of this CT scan was for the physician to determine if a CT guided biopsy was better than one guided with I believe a camera. It was determined to be CT guided and I had to be there the next morning for the biopsy.
Since this is considered surgery, I was not allowed food 4 hours before the procedure. When I got back to the Care Units where they prep you with IV’s, take blood, ask you a billion questions and talk you through the procedure I started to become very angry. I didn’t want this damn test, I wasn’t going to like having a surgeon cut through my back and bone to get a sample, I didn’t want any more drugs, it was just all pissing me off. We waited in the Care Unit for about and hour and a half for a couple of reasons. One, they were running a blood clotting test before they did the biopsy and two, the Dr. was doing several procedures before me. As far as I was concerned he could have left me in that room all day long.
When they were finally ready for me they gave me the option to walk down there myself or be wheeled on the gurney. I chose the gurney because if it were up to me I don’t think anyone would have gotten me in that room willingly. Much to my disappointment they do NOT knock you out for this procedure. Anyone with a weak stomach or those of you who do now want to know how this procedure is run should probably skip ahead a few paragraphs.
So because I haven’t had enough CT scans, I had to lay face down and have several more before the procedure. Now, there are two sets of bones protecting the spinal cord. The lesions on my spine are on the side of the bone in front of the spinal cord. To get to it, the Dr. had to go through the bone in back to get to the side of the lesion. I’ll let that one sink in a minute.
So they did a local on my back where they were going through to the bone. They also gave me two other drugs, one for pain, I told the nurse she could be very generous with that one, and another drug to relax me. It’s essentially a drug that puts you into “conscience amnesia”. They want you to be semi alert so the Dr. can talk to you and you can take direction, like holding your breath during a scan. Fortunately for me these drugs work pretty well. The worst part was getting the long needle in the back to numb the area.
The actual biopsy was not as bad as I thought it was going to be but it was still on the good side of horrible. Once the Dr. was through the skin and muscle to get through the bone he used something to “tap” it through the bone. That part I did not like in the least. Because you can feel and hear the tapping, and even though bone does not have feeling you can still feel the vibration through your whole body. Again, gross.
I told the Dr. he’d better get a really good sample because I was not going to come back a second time for this. He got a great sample. After the procedure I went back to the Care Unit and JR helped me eat a little sandwich, pasta salad and some juice. I wonder how much the insurance company got charged for that meal.
After that we went home and I rested. The day after the pain in my back was worse than after the procedure. I felt like I had a really bad backache. The test results took 3 days to process so again we waited over the weekend wondering. In my heart I knew that it was going to come back cancer, you just do not go through all of those tests and have it not be cancer. Although we were really praying for arthritis.
Of course it came back cancer and a treatment path was laid out for me. We met with the Radiation Oncologist that afternoon and got the lowdown on how it was all going to happen. He decided that since I had not had radiation before and I am young and healthy that he could shorten the time and increase the daily dosage. So I will have 3 weeks of radiation therapy every day after work. The time spent at the office should not exceed 30 minutes, apparently positioning me on the table takes the longest time.
Unlike chemo I should not have many side effects. The two we talked about were skin irritation and possible diarrhea, because the lesions are on the lower bones. I can handle skin irradiation and diarrhea. Everyone seems to be a little surprised that I don’t have any back pain, out side of what I consider normal back pain for me. He said that 4 years ago their goal would have been to make me comfortable and to give me time to get my affairs in order. Now with new technology and medicine people live for many years.
In addition to the radiation I will start a drug called Zometa. It’s a bone strengthener that keeps the cancer from eating through the bone until it collapses. It also creates an undesirable location for cancer cells. It’s pretty new to the market and the results of how successful it is in fighting cancer just came out this past June. It is taken via IV and takes about 20 minutes to administer. I should not have any side effects from it either.
I know it goes without saying but I’m going to anyway, JR has been just amazing and has been by my side for every Dr. appointment and procedure. I am so lucky to have him by my side fighting all the way. I love you Anderson.
So that’s it for now, sorry for the lengthy update but we’ve had quite a bit happen in a short amount of time. I will start the Zometa and radiation therapy this afternoon. I’ll update you all as things happen.
Thank you to everyone who has reached out to JR and me with your words of encouragement and prayers. We appreciate them very much and are so very lucky to have you in our lives. Love to you all and God Bless!
Jen
Monday, October 8, 2007
One Year
Hi Everyone:
It’s been one year today since I received the call from the physician telling me I had tested positive for breast cancer. I hate that guy. As I sit here to update you on my progress I am reflecting on the past year with a multitude of feelings. Relief is one, I’m relieved that I survived the illness and the process, anger that I got breast cancer in the first place, sadness for my loss and resolve. Resolve that I am done with this disease forever.
It’s been quite a year, and again I thank you all for being by my side and supporting me through what was the crummiest year of my life. On one hand I can’t believe that it’s been a year already and on the other hand I can’t wait for 5 more to pass to put this experience further behind me. Some of the events are so fresh in my memory and others are a complete blur. I’m going to chalk those up to the pain killers. I’m torn. I don’t know if I want to remember so clearly how I felt during the process or if I want my brain to protect me and block out the memories. Maybe something in between?
Even though I’ve been given the clean bill of health, I still battle on. The last three months have been particularly difficult. In July I was so excited to get the remission news and congratulations from everyone, that I really didn’t look any further than that. To hear that I was not sick any more was the best news any one could have ever given me. But after the news had worn off and life was back to normal, I realized that there was still this aftermath to deal with. Every time I looked in the mirror I was reminded that I was a breast cancer patient and no words and no passing time was ever going to change that. I still have to take the “cancer be gone” pills and I still have to look at these scars every day. No one ever talks about that part.
I realized that no matter how much time passed by that I will never be able to get away from the breast cancer. Most of you can walk away any time you want and never have to give a second thought to breast cancer. It does not have to affect you at all if you don’t want it to. How lucky that makes you. I honestly hope this is the closest you ever get to it. I don’t have that luxury, I do have to live with it. Over the last three months I have been trying to come to grips with that and change my attitude on how I feel about it.
Today I look at the scars and see life’s battle wounds, I’ve got plenty of those. Some that you see and others that you don’t. Don’t we all? I’ve realized that I am still the same person that I was before the cancer, I just have a new and unique experience under my belt because of it. I am still working on healing completely from the breast cancer, physically and emotionally, and I expect that it will take much longer than my patience will allow. I still have a long way to go with the reconstructive surgery too. I’ve run into a bit of a road block. As you know, I’ve had my implants in for just under 6 months, and they’re doing great. The rest, well, not so much.
In August I had the next step in reconstructive surgery done, nipple reconstruction. The right one turned out great, the left one…fell off. Yup, the damn thing fell off just like a baby’s umbilical cord. Gone. Now I can find a lot of humor in that, I mean let’s face it, it is funny. How many people can say that their left nipple fell off? I don’t imagine that number to be too high. I’m also very frustrated and sad that it fell off. Mostly because I don’t want to go through the surgery again and I don’t want to have to wait another 6 months before I can do it.
The surgery kind of freaked me out. I was awake during the procedure, which lasted about an hour. Even though I could not feel the surgery itself, I could feel the tugging of my skin and I could hear the cutting of my skin. Not a big fan of either of those things. Thank God J.R. was there with me, holding my hand and keeping me calm. If he wasn’t there I think the Dr. would have had to peel me off the ceiling. They really need to set up a wet bar in surgery or pass out Valium at the door. I guarantee I will be heavily medicated with something during the next procedure. Bacardi, Valium, paint thinner, what ever it takes.
So now I wait for another 6 months for my skin to heal and to be evaluated for another procedure. I can’t have the tattooing done until this part is complete, so that gets pushed until late next year. In the meantime, it’s been suggested that I get my one nipple a prosthetic friend. I’ll let that one sink in. I swear to God they actually have a store that sells stick on nipples. And from what I hear, it’s not just breast cancer patients that use these things. I’ve not been to the store yet, but curiosity will get the better of me and I will go check them out. The jokes are just writing themselves aren’t they?
Some good news now, my hair is coming in quite well. It’s very interesting actually. It’s gotten curly, especially in the back. The rest of it is wavy and as nice as those two things sound, when your hair is only 3 inches long, it poses sort of a problem. I’ve been using a good bit of gel to keep it calmed down, otherwise it gets all puffed up and square and I look like a cross between Frankenstein and Ronald McDonald. I really wish I was kidding about that. When I wake up in the morning one side sticks up higher than the other and I have that Gumby thing going. Six months from now when my hair is twice as long I think I will look like Annie or Leo Sayer, not sure which but in either case I’ll have to take up singing for a while. I should probably learn the words to “The sun will come out tomorrow”.
I just had my next 3 month follow up with a bone scan, chest x-ray and blood test and everything came back negative, so that’s great news. I expect to hear those words each time I go to the oncologist. Something I am experiencing though is heart palpitations. They started right after I finished chemo. If you remember, the chemo was administered through a port which was tapped into a vein that lead to my heart, from there my heart pumped the chemo into my body. Typically there is some damage to the heart during the chemo process which is why you get a heart test before and during chemo to track any change. My oncologist is adding a cardiologist to the staff so the next round of tests will more than likely include some barrage of heart tests.
As if the chemo hadn’t caused enough problems for me, another long term side effect no one ever talks about is a change in eye sight. That’s right, chemo changes your vision. For me it changed my ability to read any thing closer than the end of my drive way. I had my eyes checked three months before my diagnosis and was fine. I had my eyes rechecked last month and now require reading glasses. Terrific. The change to my vision in one year was so drastic the Dr. was amazed. Now if I could just find one of those chains for around my neck, the transformation to middle age would be complete.
And so life goes on. I’m pretty tickled to still be among the living. Today is my milestone. Today marks the day that I am done with cancer. I’ve given one year of my undivided time and attention to it, and quite frankly that’s all that it’s going to get from me. I know I still have follow up appointments and surgeries to deal with but I’m done letting this define my life. I’d like to go back to being just Jen again, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and employee. I’m done with being a patient.
So as the day goes on, I will remove the lovely gifts that you’ve all sent me from my home and car and place them in my cancer box with all of the letters, cards, e-mails, breast cancer pamphlets, my journal and test results that have been my life for the last year. I will place it in the attic where I’m sure some day I will want to reopen that box and revisit the experience. But for now, I’m done.
Tonight we will be having a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant (Forepaugh’s of course) to acknowledge the end of a battle and to celebrate Steph’s 20th birthday. Unfortunately she will always have to share her favorite day with one of my crummiest. So thank you all again for your love and support, I really do appreciate it. This will most likely be my last blog entry; unless something really significant or funny happens. I wish you all well and hope that you are having a great day!
Love to you all,
Jen
It’s been one year today since I received the call from the physician telling me I had tested positive for breast cancer. I hate that guy. As I sit here to update you on my progress I am reflecting on the past year with a multitude of feelings. Relief is one, I’m relieved that I survived the illness and the process, anger that I got breast cancer in the first place, sadness for my loss and resolve. Resolve that I am done with this disease forever.It’s been quite a year, and again I thank you all for being by my side and supporting me through what was the crummiest year of my life. On one hand I can’t believe that it’s been a year already and on the other hand I can’t wait for 5 more to pass to put this experience further behind me. Some of the events are so fresh in my memory and others are a complete blur. I’m going to chalk those up to the pain killers. I’m torn. I don’t know if I want to remember so clearly how I felt during the process or if I want my brain to protect me and block out the memories. Maybe something in between?
Even though I’ve been given the clean bill of health, I still battle on. The last three months have been particularly difficult. In July I was so excited to get the remission news and congratulations from everyone, that I really didn’t look any further than that. To hear that I was not sick any more was the best news any one could have ever given me. But after the news had worn off and life was back to normal, I realized that there was still this aftermath to deal with. Every time I looked in the mirror I was reminded that I was a breast cancer patient and no words and no passing time was ever going to change that. I still have to take the “cancer be gone” pills and I still have to look at these scars every day. No one ever talks about that part.
I realized that no matter how much time passed by that I will never be able to get away from the breast cancer. Most of you can walk away any time you want and never have to give a second thought to breast cancer. It does not have to affect you at all if you don’t want it to. How lucky that makes you. I honestly hope this is the closest you ever get to it. I don’t have that luxury, I do have to live with it. Over the last three months I have been trying to come to grips with that and change my attitude on how I feel about it.
Today I look at the scars and see life’s battle wounds, I’ve got plenty of those. Some that you see and others that you don’t. Don’t we all? I’ve realized that I am still the same person that I was before the cancer, I just have a new and unique experience under my belt because of it. I am still working on healing completely from the breast cancer, physically and emotionally, and I expect that it will take much longer than my patience will allow. I still have a long way to go with the reconstructive surgery too. I’ve run into a bit of a road block. As you know, I’ve had my implants in for just under 6 months, and they’re doing great. The rest, well, not so much.
In August I had the next step in reconstructive surgery done, nipple reconstruction. The right one turned out great, the left one…fell off. Yup, the damn thing fell off just like a baby’s umbilical cord. Gone. Now I can find a lot of humor in that, I mean let’s face it, it is funny. How many people can say that their left nipple fell off? I don’t imagine that number to be too high. I’m also very frustrated and sad that it fell off. Mostly because I don’t want to go through the surgery again and I don’t want to have to wait another 6 months before I can do it.
The surgery kind of freaked me out. I was awake during the procedure, which lasted about an hour. Even though I could not feel the surgery itself, I could feel the tugging of my skin and I could hear the cutting of my skin. Not a big fan of either of those things. Thank God J.R. was there with me, holding my hand and keeping me calm. If he wasn’t there I think the Dr. would have had to peel me off the ceiling. They really need to set up a wet bar in surgery or pass out Valium at the door. I guarantee I will be heavily medicated with something during the next procedure. Bacardi, Valium, paint thinner, what ever it takes.
So now I wait for another 6 months for my skin to heal and to be evaluated for another procedure. I can’t have the tattooing done until this part is complete, so that gets pushed until late next year. In the meantime, it’s been suggested that I get my one nipple a prosthetic friend. I’ll let that one sink in. I swear to God they actually have a store that sells stick on nipples. And from what I hear, it’s not just breast cancer patients that use these things. I’ve not been to the store yet, but curiosity will get the better of me and I will go check them out. The jokes are just writing themselves aren’t they?
Some good news now, my hair is coming in quite well. It’s very interesting actually. It’s gotten curly, especially in the back. The rest of it is wavy and as nice as those two things sound, when your hair is only 3 inches long, it poses sort of a problem. I’ve been using a good bit of gel to keep it calmed down, otherwise it gets all puffed up and square and I look like a cross between Frankenstein and Ronald McDonald. I really wish I was kidding about that. When I wake up in the morning one side sticks up higher than the other and I have that Gumby thing going. Six months from now when my hair is twice as long I think I will look like Annie or Leo Sayer, not sure which but in either case I’ll have to take up singing for a while. I should probably learn the words to “The sun will come out tomorrow”.I just had my next 3 month follow up with a bone scan, chest x-ray and blood test and everything came back negative, so that’s great news. I expect to hear those words each time I go to the oncologist. Something I am experiencing though is heart palpitations. They started right after I finished chemo. If you remember, the chemo was administered through a port which was tapped into a vein that lead to my heart, from there my heart pumped the chemo into my body. Typically there is some damage to the heart during the chemo process which is why you get a heart test before and during chemo to track any change. My oncologist is adding a cardiologist to the staff so the next round of tests will more than likely include some barrage of heart tests.
As if the chemo hadn’t caused enough problems for me, another long term side effect no one ever talks about is a change in eye sight. That’s right, chemo changes your vision. For me it changed my ability to read any thing closer than the end of my drive way. I had my eyes checked three months before my diagnosis and was fine. I had my eyes rechecked last month and now require reading glasses. Terrific. The change to my vision in one year was so drastic the Dr. was amazed. Now if I could just find one of those chains for around my neck, the transformation to middle age would be complete.
And so life goes on. I’m pretty tickled to still be among the living. Today is my milestone. Today marks the day that I am done with cancer. I’ve given one year of my undivided time and attention to it, and quite frankly that’s all that it’s going to get from me. I know I still have follow up appointments and surgeries to deal with but I’m done letting this define my life. I’d like to go back to being just Jen again, wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and employee. I’m done with being a patient.
So as the day goes on, I will remove the lovely gifts that you’ve all sent me from my home and car and place them in my cancer box with all of the letters, cards, e-mails, breast cancer pamphlets, my journal and test results that have been my life for the last year. I will place it in the attic where I’m sure some day I will want to reopen that box and revisit the experience. But for now, I’m done.
Tonight we will be having a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant (Forepaugh’s of course) to acknowledge the end of a battle and to celebrate Steph’s 20th birthday. Unfortunately she will always have to share her favorite day with one of my crummiest. So thank you all again for your love and support, I really do appreciate it. This will most likely be my last blog entry; unless something really significant or funny happens. I wish you all well and hope that you are having a great day!
Love to you all,
Jen
Monday, July 2, 2007
They Don't Call It Cancer Free
Hi Everyone,
They don’t call it “cancer free”. What they do call it is “remission”. And today that is what I found my status to be. I am very excited about remission, remission is a very good thing for cancer patients. Remission makes me want to do cartwheels and smile a lot. And cry. And get down on my knees and thank God for my good fortune. I love remission!
I had a blood test on Friday so they could look at what they call tumor markers in my lung, liver and bones. If the enzymes in those areas come back with elevated levels then there is a chance that there is something wrong. It’s not always an indication that cancer is back but it makes the Dr. look for it with other types of tests. There are types of cancer that will not elevate the enzymes in these areas and can make it harder to detect. But, since breast cancer is one of those cancers that they have many tests for, they can pin point areas of concern pretty easily.
I will remain on hormone therapy for 5 years which will help battle the type of cancer that I “had”. Right now I am just gearing up for all the fun that hormone therapy provides. Hot flashes, hot flashes and more hot flashes. Alaska looks fabulous right now. I will see my oncologist every 3 months for the next two years, then every 4 months for the two years after that, then every 6 months for another two years and yearly after that. Pretty much for the rest of my life. Dr. Bowers told me that if I can make it 8 years without any more cancer then the odds of getting it again drops to 2%. 8 years is the magic number. Actually 20 years is, it’s kind of a guarantee then.
I have set up my next oncology appointment for the beginning of October and the next set of tests will be another blood test, a bone scan and a chest x-ray. If you remember from past updates, breast cancer can show up again in the lung, liver or spine, so they keep an eye on those areas.
So for the time being, I am going to enjoy being in remission. I will do my best to enjoy every day that life has to offer and not worry about what the next Dr. appointment brings. Let’s face it, I won’t be able to do anything about it any way, right? It’s going to be what it’s going to be. So I may as well enjoy the time I have because you never really do know. For those of you who I will see on the golf course, at Lake Vermilion or the Skydive Jump Zone, let’s go have some damn fun!
Thank you to all who have offered up prayers on my behalf, I can’t thank you enough for the blessings. I hope you all have a fantastic 4th of July weekend / week and have a fabulous day, because that’s my plan.
Love to you all,
Jen
They don’t call it “cancer free”. What they do call it is “remission”. And today that is what I found my status to be. I am very excited about remission, remission is a very good thing for cancer patients. Remission makes me want to do cartwheels and smile a lot. And cry. And get down on my knees and thank God for my good fortune. I love remission!
I had a blood test on Friday so they could look at what they call tumor markers in my lung, liver and bones. If the enzymes in those areas come back with elevated levels then there is a chance that there is something wrong. It’s not always an indication that cancer is back but it makes the Dr. look for it with other types of tests. There are types of cancer that will not elevate the enzymes in these areas and can make it harder to detect. But, since breast cancer is one of those cancers that they have many tests for, they can pin point areas of concern pretty easily.
I will remain on hormone therapy for 5 years which will help battle the type of cancer that I “had”. Right now I am just gearing up for all the fun that hormone therapy provides. Hot flashes, hot flashes and more hot flashes. Alaska looks fabulous right now. I will see my oncologist every 3 months for the next two years, then every 4 months for the two years after that, then every 6 months for another two years and yearly after that. Pretty much for the rest of my life. Dr. Bowers told me that if I can make it 8 years without any more cancer then the odds of getting it again drops to 2%. 8 years is the magic number. Actually 20 years is, it’s kind of a guarantee then.
I have set up my next oncology appointment for the beginning of October and the next set of tests will be another blood test, a bone scan and a chest x-ray. If you remember from past updates, breast cancer can show up again in the lung, liver or spine, so they keep an eye on those areas.
So for the time being, I am going to enjoy being in remission. I will do my best to enjoy every day that life has to offer and not worry about what the next Dr. appointment brings. Let’s face it, I won’t be able to do anything about it any way, right? It’s going to be what it’s going to be. So I may as well enjoy the time I have because you never really do know. For those of you who I will see on the golf course, at Lake Vermilion or the Skydive Jump Zone, let’s go have some damn fun!
Thank you to all who have offered up prayers on my behalf, I can’t thank you enough for the blessings. I hope you all have a fantastic 4th of July weekend / week and have a fabulous day, because that’s my plan.
Love to you all,
Jen
Friday, June 8, 2007
New Knockers!
Well it’s official; I do not look like an Uncle Fester Transformer any more. Uncle Fester has been dealt with by all of my new hair coming in. Eyebrows and eyelashes are in pretty good shape and my hair is getting longer and thicker each day. For those of you who have asked what color my hair is coming in as, I’m pretty sure nature calls it “Field Mouse”. I have no idea if this is my real color or my “chemo” color. In either case it’s not attractive and I can’t wait for it to be long enough for me to color it again. As for the length and style, Billy Idol called and he wants his hair back.
On May 24th I went in for surgery for my new implants. I went to the hospital around 10:30 and got prepped in those stylish hospital gowns again. I had the same anesthesiologist as I did for my mastectomy, which made me feel good because I came out of that operation pretty well in tact. “Alive” is always a good indication that the anesthesiologist is doing a good job.
This surgery preparation was a little different than the last two. Dr. Luong (pictured here) marked me up and we were ready to go. I didn’t get any medication before to rela
x and I walked myself to the operating room. Weird huh? The last two times they drugged me up and wheeled me into surgery. Let’s face it, the last operation (double mastectomy) they had to damn near knock me out in the waiting room just to get me into pre-op and surgery.The operating table is much skinnier than you would think. It looks more like a cross than a table. The room is brightly lit, cold, blue, white and steel. So I hopped up on the balance beam, cradled my head in the head cup dealio and they strapped my arms onto the cross. Then they hooked me up to the anesthesia and I was out in a nano second. They probably didn’t want me fiddling around and roll off the balance beam. An hour and a half later I was waking up in recovery.
The best thing about waking up in post op on a Thursday afternoon is Helen Edberg. She was volunteering that day and she took really good care of me while I was waking up. Recovery took about and hour and 45 minutes, longer than the lumpectomy recovery. But I was much more alert before I left this time. Helen wheeled me out to the car, said good bye and told J.R. and Steph to take good care of me. We love her for that.
Even though I just had surgery and was really sore, it felt so much better to have those tissue expanders out. I was wrapped up with a huge ace bandage and sent home around 3:45. When I got home I assumed the position with my Steeler’s blanket on the big couch downstairs, popped a Vicodin and had a snack. Steph made me soup and crackers. It was the best soup and crackers in the whole world. I was starving since I wasn’t allowed any food or drink after midnight. I was ready to gnaw off someone’s arm.
As you can imagine I was really sore for a few days because my muscles took a beating during surgery. Remember they had to drain the tissue expanders which were under the muscle, remove them and then place the implants under the muscle. She tried several sizes and I ended up with the smallest of the three that we ordered. My muscles just wouldn’t stretch any further. So I have 650 cc implants. What does that equate to in bra sizes? I have no idea. I suppose I could run to Victoria’s Secret and try some on but since I don’t need to wear a bra any more I guess I don’t really care. I’m a much sportier model than I used to be. I also had a little bit of lipo suction done right in the crook of my under arm.
When they place the implants in, part of the fatty tissue gets pushed up and looks weird, like someone is pushing their fingers through your skin, so they lipo suction that. Those of you who may be considering lipo suction, one thing, Holy ****! Does that *&#@&*^!* hurt! Forget lipo suction, go to the gym and eat right instead. It’ll be less painful. I could barely move my arms for three days and I don’t know if you know this or not but arms are important.
24 hours after surgery I was able to remove the bandage and take a shower. When I took off the bandage I have to admit I was horrified. I was all black and blue, swollen and mushed down. Imagine a ¾ filled beach ball and how that would lay on the ground, that’s what it looked like to me. You know I have felt a lot of emotions during this whole battle, one of which was extremely pissed off. This was another pissed off moment for me. I was so mad at the cancer for what it has done to my body I just couldn’t see straight.
After being mad at my situation I went right into being just broken hearted. I don’t really know how else to put it. The sadness was just overwhelming. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt uncomfortable in my own body. I’m not sure what I was expecting from this surgery but I realized that I still had a long way to go with the reconstruction process. I probably have another year to go with nipple reconstruction, scar revision and healing. It was a very deflating moment for me when I realized that.
Tomorrow will be 8 months since I’ve been diagnosed, on one hand it has gone by so quickly and on the other hand it has dragged on because everything they do to you makes you feel crummy and hurts. And I’m one of the lucky ones, I only had to have 8 cycles of chemo and no radiation so I know there are many women out there who battle way longer than I have or have to battle cancer more than once. I have nothing to complain about in the grand scheme of things.
So the practical Jen understands that there is still a long way to go until this battle is truly over with but the emotional Jen wants to throw herself on the collective floor and throw the temper tantrum of a lifetime. Practical Jen will win out of course. Since I’ve taken those bandages off and looked at myself for the first time the bruises have dissipated, the swelling has gone down and the scars look better every day. There is very little pain left, just enough to let me know that I should not push myself as hard as I’d like to. And if I should say so myself, when these knockers are finished they will be pretty fabulous, and they won’t kill me.
At the end of the month I will go back to the oncologist and have my 3 month check up and blood tests. I’m hoping that she will give me the good news that I am cancer free. Anything short of that will just be unacceptable.
I’m getting ready to start my Tamoxifen treatment and that will last 5 years. I think starting a hormone treatment at the beginning of summer is priceless. Since it’s going to be hot out any way maybe no one will notice that I’m having my 66th hot flash of the day. For those of you who don’t remember, my cancer is estrogen and progesterone receptor positive and the Tamoxifen will block those from feeding any cancer cells that still may be in my body. When the hot flashes start and we move to the North Pole we’ll be sure to forward on our new address.
So that’s it for now. I will let you know what the Dr. says on July 2nd. If you could all say a little prayer for a cancer free verdict I’d sure appreciate it. Thank you again for being here for me while I battle on. I am so lucky to have you in my life. I hope this note finds you all well and I hope you are having a great day!
All my love,
Jen
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Race For the Cure and Hair Update
Hi Everyone,
Just a note to let you know the latest news. The first news is that my hair is growing back. I can’t tell you how happy I am and how much fun I’m having with that. It’s baby soft, a color I don’t entirely recognize and is about 1/2 inch long. I’m also getting my eyebrows and eyelashes back. It’s really weird to watch my face reappear on a daily basis. I’m still filling in my eyebrows with the pencil but I’d bet in about a week I won’t have to do that any more. I actually had to pluck some eyebrow hairs that weren’t contributing in a positive way to my face the other day. My last long eyelash finally fell out and is now replaced with little stubby ones. They aren’t long enough to put mascara on but I do it anyway. And lastly, I had to shave my legs the other day. Yup, I did not miss that hair or activity but it decided to come back any way.
On Mother’s Day J.R., Nicky, Steph and I walked in the Race for the Cure. Jessica couldn’t attend because
it’s a much farther walk than 5K for her from France. Our friends The Carter’s, The Busby’s, JoAnne and 47,000 others however, did joined us for the event. A few observations to share with you. First off, the walk is much longer than 5K, I’ll bet we put in 1 ½ miles before the event even started. I could not believe all of the people who were walking to raise money for breast cancer, it was really amazing. It was a little chilly in the morning so there were many people wearing jackets so it was harder to pick out all of the survivors, but there were plenty of them. Many people wear pink signs on their backs with names “In Memory Of” or “In Celebration Of”. When you read all of the people who are winning or have lost their battle with breast cancer it’s pretty emotional. Fortunately they have people cheering, waving, playing music or passing out flowers along the walk.
Go figure, we were running late leaving the house before the event and I didn’t get to grab breakfast and forgot to take some Advil. So I was hungry, my back was killing me and I was sad reading all of the names on the pink cards. J.R. asked me if I wanted to stop and stretch my back for a while and I said “No, I’ve survived chemo, I can do this, and this is nothing in comparison”. So we pushed on. There was lots of cheering when we crossed the Finish line and we headed into the Mall to get some food and find the Survivor ceremony. In the Rotunda area of the mall was a sea of pink survivor shirts and pink hats, so they shuffled me in there and I found a seat. I was pretty happy to be sitting down even though the chair was hard as a rock. I don’t know what I was expecting from the ceremony, but what I was hoping for I didn’t find it here.
KARE 11’s Mike Pomerantz and Julie Nelson MC’d the event and did a nice job; they were all cheery and upbeat. However, the music was really crummy. It was really depressing. I was hoping for something more upbeat since I just survived the worst experience of my life. Next thing I know they bring out these huge boxes with entries for prizes on stage, they started giving out prizes to the survivors. Now these were really nice gifts but I have no idea what they have to do with a survivor ceremony. After the gifts were all given away they called out to the survivors to see how many years we were cancer free. There was one lady who was a 40 year survivor, several at 30, 20 and 10. Quite a few 5 years and about 25% of the room was 1 year or newly diagnosed. It broke my heart to see so many newly diagnosed and battling women. There were lots of women there with the same haircut as me.
After the ceremony we all went to lunch and talked about the event. I’ll be the first to admit that I may have participated in an event like this too close to my diagnosis and treatment. Based on my experience with this one I probably wouldn’t participate in the survivor ceremony again, it just wasn’t uplifting enough for me. I will give it another chance just to make sure though. I think the Susan G Komen for the Cure Foundation does really wonderful things for breast cancer and this event raises millions of dollars a year. I know that medications and procedures that saved my life would never have been available if the monies for research weren’t raised by this event. I just wish the survivor ceremony was better, more uplifting and a real celebration of surviving breast cancer. I don’t claim to know anything about event planning but I do know plenty about having fun. This ceremony could have been real fun too.
Lastly, I have my implant surgery today. It’s an outpatient procedure if you can believe that. I met with my surgeon two weeks ago and have decided on silicone implants over saline implants. Reading the pamphlet with all the pros and cons about silicone scared the crap out of me. These tissue expanders were looking pretty good to me as a permanent solution. Oh sure they are square, high and hard but I think I could learn to live with that. The biggest concern is a rupture and I was afraid that my skydiving career would come to an end. Dr. Luong assured me that I had plenty of skydiving years ahead of me and showed me an implant which she dug her nails into. Apparently this same implant was jumped on by a 3 year old the day before to show his mom how durable they are. So I feel better about my decision to go silicone. We are unsure about the size of the implants, those will be determined at the time of surgery. It will all depend on how my chest muscles react and how far they will stretch. At this point I don’t care what size I am, I just want them to look good and not kill me. I think those are both pretty good goals for the new boobs.
So that’s it for now. Thank you again for all of your support during this time, I really appreciate it. I am so lucky to have you all in my life and feel very blessed. I hope this note finds you all well and that you are having a really great day!
Love to you all,
Jen
Just a note to let you know the latest news. The first news is that my hair is growing back. I can’t tell you how happy I am and how much fun I’m having with that. It’s baby soft, a color I don’t entirely recognize and is about 1/2 inch long. I’m also getting my eyebrows and eyelashes back. It’s really weird to watch my face reappear on a daily basis. I’m still filling in my eyebrows with the pencil but I’d bet in about a week I won’t have to do that any more. I actually had to pluck some eyebrow hairs that weren’t contributing in a positive way to my face the other day. My last long eyelash finally fell out and is now replaced with little stubby ones. They aren’t long enough to put mascara on but I do it anyway. And lastly, I had to shave my legs the other day. Yup, I did not miss that hair or activity but it decided to come back any way.
On Mother’s Day J.R., Nicky, Steph and I walked in the Race for the Cure. Jessica couldn’t attend because
it’s a much farther walk than 5K for her from France. Our friends The Carter’s, The Busby’s, JoAnne and 47,000 others however, did joined us for the event. A few observations to share with you. First off, the walk is much longer than 5K, I’ll bet we put in 1 ½ miles before the event even started. I could not believe all of the people who were walking to raise money for breast cancer, it was really amazing. It was a little chilly in the morning so there were many people wearing jackets so it was harder to pick out all of the survivors, but there were plenty of them. Many people wear pink signs on their backs with names “In Memory Of” or “In Celebration Of”. When you read all of the people who are winning or have lost their battle with breast cancer it’s pretty emotional. Fortunately they have people cheering, waving, playing music or passing out flowers along the walk.Go figure, we were running late leaving the house before the event and I didn’t get to grab breakfast and forgot to take some Advil. So I was hungry, my back was killing me and I was sad reading all of the names on the pink cards. J.R. asked me if I wanted to stop and stretch my back for a while and I said “No, I’ve survived chemo, I can do this, and this is nothing in comparison”. So we pushed on. There was lots of cheering when we crossed the Finish line and we headed into the Mall to get some food and find the Survivor ceremony. In the Rotunda area of the mall was a sea of pink survivor shirts and pink hats, so they shuffled me in there and I found a seat. I was pretty happy to be sitting down even though the chair was hard as a rock. I don’t know what I was expecting from the ceremony, but what I was hoping for I didn’t find it here.
KARE 11’s Mike Pomerantz and Julie Nelson MC’d the event and did a nice job; they were all cheery and upbeat. However, the music was really crummy. It was really depressing. I was hoping for something more upbeat since I just survived the worst experience of my life. Next thing I know they bring out these huge boxes with entries for prizes on stage, they started giving out prizes to the survivors. Now these were really nice gifts but I have no idea what they have to do with a survivor ceremony. After the gifts were all given away they called out to the survivors to see how many years we were cancer free. There was one lady who was a 40 year survivor, several at 30, 20 and 10. Quite a few 5 years and about 25% of the room was 1 year or newly diagnosed. It broke my heart to see so many newly diagnosed and battling women. There were lots of women there with the same haircut as me.
After the ceremony we all went to lunch and talked about the event. I’ll be the first to admit that I may have participated in an event like this too close to my diagnosis and treatment. Based on my experience with this one I probably wouldn’t participate in the survivor ceremony again, it just wasn’t uplifting enough for me. I will give it another chance just to make sure though. I think the Susan G Komen for the Cure Foundation does really wonderful things for breast cancer and this event raises millions of dollars a year. I know that medications and procedures that saved my life would never have been available if the monies for research weren’t raised by this event. I just wish the survivor ceremony was better, more uplifting and a real celebration of surviving breast cancer. I don’t claim to know anything about event planning but I do know plenty about having fun. This ceremony could have been real fun too.
Lastly, I have my implant surgery today. It’s an outpatient procedure if you can believe that. I met with my surgeon two weeks ago and have decided on silicone implants over saline implants. Reading the pamphlet with all the pros and cons about silicone scared the crap out of me. These tissue expanders were looking pretty good to me as a permanent solution. Oh sure they are square, high and hard but I think I could learn to live with that. The biggest concern is a rupture and I was afraid that my skydiving career would come to an end. Dr. Luong assured me that I had plenty of skydiving years ahead of me and showed me an implant which she dug her nails into. Apparently this same implant was jumped on by a 3 year old the day before to show his mom how durable they are. So I feel better about my decision to go silicone. We are unsure about the size of the implants, those will be determined at the time of surgery. It will all depend on how my chest muscles react and how far they will stretch. At this point I don’t care what size I am, I just want them to look good and not kill me. I think those are both pretty good goals for the new boobs.
So that’s it for now. Thank you again for all of your support during this time, I really appreciate it. I am so lucky to have you all in my life and feel very blessed. I hope this note finds you all well and that you are having a really great day!
Love to you all,
Jen
Friday, April 6, 2007
Chemo and Gene Testing Update
Hi Everyone,
It’s hard to believe that I first wrote you 6 months ago with the news about my breast cancer. How quickly time goes by, even when you’re not having any fun. I do have a lot of really great news and I will try to make this quick.
First and foremost I am done with chemo. Yeah! I can’t tell you how much I hated chemo and everything that it has done to my body. But it is over with. I will miss the nurses and patients at the oncologist’s office very much. Doctor Bowers and the nursing staff was terrific, they made a truly awful experience a bearable one and dare I say, some of us even had a little bit of fun together. I can’t even describe what I feel for the other patients, there is something truly bonding between women who are battling breast cancer together. Although I may never see most of them again I will think of them often and hope that their struggles are minimal. I am so glad to have chemo behind me I feel like doing cartwheels. J.R. was out of town for training for my last session, we were both sad about that, but since he made every other Dr. apt. and chemo session it was OK. Steph came home a couple of days early and Mary took time off work to be with me. And as an added bonus, our friend Kris Edberg Lasserud showed up to the last session. So I had plenty of support. We also took a cake in as a thank you for the nursing staff, and everyone, including the other patients, had cake. We share that way. I was so elated to have the last session done I think I skipped out of the office. Later that evening JoAnne came over and made Steph and I dinner and took care of me. I really love all of my family and friends, I am so thankful to have you in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you! So chemo is done!
So what is the next step? Well, it goes like this. The next step is surgery. I am fully expanded now and have to wait two months at full expansion before they can do the implant surgery. I have scheduled my surgery for Thursday, May 24th, Memorial Day weekend. If you can believe it this is an outpatient surgery that takes about an hour and a half to complete. Wild huh? The recovery time is practically nothing. My surgeon said that most women go in on a Thursday or Friday and are back to work the following Monday. They send you home with some Vicodin and tell you to rest. Hell I’ve already got the Vicodin so I’m ready to go!
About a month after surgery I will see my oncologist again and have another blood test done. This blood test should be able to determine whether or not I am cancer free. They can’t get an accurate result now because I still have chemo in my system. They will look at what they call my tumor markers and be able to declare cancer free or not. Once that is done I will start my hormone therapy. If you remember from one of the earliest e-mails, my type of cancer is estrogen and progesterone receptor positive. What that means is that if there are still any cancer cells in my body, then they are fed by the estrogen and progesterone in my body. What the hormone therapy will do is block the estrogen and progesterone and prevent any cancer cells from growing, essentially cutting off the “air supply” so to speak. If any one is interested, the hormone therapy drug I will be taking is called Tamoxifen. I am not sure what to expect from hormone therapy but I am pretty certain it will be unpleasant. I do know it will put me into menopause so I have that to look forward to. Let’s see, menopause or dying, menopause or dying…hmmm, I’ll take menopause for $200 Alex! As for treatment options, that’s about it for me. Life goes back to normal pretty quickly. The books say that it’s common for patients to miss all the activity of treatment and being the center of attention but I can tell you that for me, that is not the case. I am so ready to get life back the way it was before all this started and I am already not missing the Dr.’s office.
Yesterday was my last set of “labs”, which is my weekly blood test to see where my white blood cell counts are, and while I was there, I got some really great news. If you remember, a few weeks ago I took a blood test to see if I carried the cancer gene. The results came back and I do not carry the cancer gene. Why is that important? Well, by not carrying the gene, I do not have to worry about developing ovarian cancer, outside of normal percentages. A high percentage of breast cancer patients who do carry the cancer gene develop ovarian cancer at a later date. As a preventative measure most elect to have a hysterectomy. Also, the chance that my sister or niece carries the gene is highly unlikely, so they do not have to do anything out of the norm for breast cancer detection. Just knowing this information is a load off my mind. It’s just one less thing for me to worry about. Although I’d like to know what caused my breast cancer, was it a fluke or did I do something to cause it, I’m just not going to stress my self out over something that I can not change or do anything about now. Someday I will know the answer to that question but for now, it’s just not that important.
Let’s see, the last good news that I have is that I am getting my hair back. Oh sure it looks like new born baby chick hair and sticks straight up, but it is hair. It’s coming in baby soft and really blonde. I haven’t been this blonde since I screwed it up in 9th grade, so that’s kind of fun. I haven’t the slightest idea what my hair is going to look like when it comes back, I honestly don’t even know what my real color is so anything is going to be a surprise. My eyebrows and eyelashes can not come back fast enough for me. Today I noticed that my right eyebrow is darker than the left one and quite frankly I think I look like an idiot. But looking like Uncle Fester when I am out looks even funnier so I continue with the eyebrow drawing.
So that’s pretty much it for me. I’ll be going back to work on April 16th and I can not wait. I’m glad I was able to take this time off because I truly needed it. But now that treatment is over with and the surgery is fairly simple, I am so ready to get life back on track. I know this is not the end of this journey, but it is certainly the end of this chapter. I can not thank you all enough for your love and support through this whole experience. I am truly blessed to have you all in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I probably won’t send out any more updates until after my surgery is over with, but please feel free to touch base with any questions you have at any time.
I hope this finds you all well! Have a great day!
All my love,
Jen
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